Today I write because I want to express myself.
Today I write because I feel that the world should know.
Today I write because I see Chaos in the midst of my deepest thoughts.
I have placed a picture, it is supposed to be the Chinese characters for Chaos, after googling it I found out three types. I just picked the one I liked.
Why Chaos?
Chaos is a state of extreme confusion and disorder.
What I have written so far has already caused Chaos in my mind.
Why?
I shall tell you. I have a double mind, I cannot make the right decisions, I am doubtful about everything I say or write. Right now my thoughts are swirling in my head, several voices say this is a stupid thing you are doing, another says, "That's a bad introduction you wrote", and the torment goes on. I do not know anything about the human mind, all I know is that it's deadly.
I am a Christian and I believe everything the Bible says. And I have come across this verse, James 1:8 " A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."
I have also read in some books, "One cannot ride two horses going at opposite directions."
Same as stated in Matthew 6:24 " No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."
So, I have therefore concluded that there are only two forces. God and devil.
As I pass through the never ending train of thoughts, I have trouble differentiating the two. I have somehow made up another force, me. Yes I know "me" could be or is definitely on the devil's side.
Actually it is, know that I've written it and have analyzed. (You have witnessed Chaos)
So still two forces and devil is getting a grip on me.
To think that what I did here is wrong, is to show you that, that thought is from the devil.
Am I right? or not?
God has given us the option to choose, right or wrong. He has given us the Holy Spirit for those who believe. And right now, I am concluding that the Holy Spirit should guide me on my thoughts.
But I do not feel that. I am blind. I cannot see. I need to pray.
So far after rereading what I've written. I cannot say anything more to what this Chaos is.
I read from a website and I found this
"Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse [your] hands, [ye] sinners; and purify [your] hearts, [ye] double minded." -James 4:8
What does it mean to be cleansed? to be purified?
Whenever I talk to my dad about things, I feel inferior I am afraid of what he's gonna say. Sometimes when I talk to God I feel unworthy. I have doubted myself. I do not believe in myself. I am not worthy, I am a piece of dirt.
It's true. It's a fact. But. There is a BUT, yet I have no idea what it is. I know there is, there has to be.
My dad sermoned me about inferiority complex, actually not the whole thing, just a part of it or something. Now I cannot recall the useful words he said. I can't believe I'm still struggling about inferiority complex.
Oh wait it was about changing myself.
It's a mess.
Right now my brain is in full agreement with this statement, "More talk more mistakes, Less talk less mistakes, No talk no mistakes".
With that in mind I have forced myself to be anti-social. My mouth is causing too much trouble.
I love my neighbours enough that it's best I keep my mouth shut.
I have a really hard time expressing myself in public. (woops diff. topic)
So I'll end here for now about Chaos.
Justinsane, O2MO, siopao
Well, let's see...
Grabeeeeee ang saya ng Dom1nation.
I had fun, it was my first time to experience OPM bands playing live!
Nakakabingi nga lang pero ok lang!
Slapshock, Urbandub, Hilera....
wahehe
Anyways, I saw the Allstars, the Christian Dance group. One of them did breakdancing, actually most of them did. But anyways they were really good.
Other dance group such as Exodus were there too, they danced and placed in some Audition moves, which was really cool, i mean right there was Audition in real life, they had bboy battle too.
There were alot of people that went, i mean the line was soo long when i entered in for registration.
I got 2 free posters of Ran and O2Jam, from the raffle.
What else....
I was on TV!
hehe
sa Hero TV too bad walang Hero TV sa Dream. So i can't watch =(
I saw a lot of the good o2jammers such as, Musix (former #1 o2jammer), strip (present #1 o2jammer), asia, harvey, euphoria11, klient, frg10, Entrails, titowatati, kikkoman, Nomac3, blax89, ton2, cezkie, cjmolas, krvn, oOarfOo, choji, rioshi, toiletduck, arnieeel, poguiasdas, shizsy at marami pa.
Sayang di ko sila nakilala dahil nahihiya ako. I have problems in socializing with other people that I have not met before.
But i did try to break it, I helped out Nomac3 with his keyboard and stuff so that was a big leap for me, i met jude (poguiasdas) and pretty much that's how far i got with my effort at socializing.
Well, I was on the go for 24 hours, left Baguio at 2am arrived in Manila at about 8 am, then took a taxi to Le pavillion near Mall of Asia. Then I spent like 1-2 hours waiting and registering for the event.
After Dom1nation we left early at 8pm, which i regret coz Urbandub gave out freebies at 10pm. ugh, i wished i'd stay longer.
Arrived in Baguio at 2:28am, it was very cold.
The tournament was fine but I couldn't use the headphones, no wait...I didn't want to, it was useless anyway, i already set the volume to the max, still Hilera had their music a lot louder so i played with no sounds, just my eyes, and to top it all i didn't know the song Spring Symphony, so yeah i had no chance in getting in. Movie star was alright but Move it on (DJ HD Remix) was hard with x4 speed, usually i could get 1.4k-1.5k cool with minimal goods at x5, but at x4 i got 1k cool and 500 goods. T_T
I didn't like it at all, i was so embarrased. But oh well, there's next year.
I really don't fit in music games, I prefer racing games but right now i don't got any so i'm stuck with online games such as this. Been racing since i was 7-8 years old.
But I had a really good time apart from that. hehe
Good thing libre pamasahe, hehe.
The cosplay was fun to watch too, the best one i thought was cosplayer number 13 in the first category (anime) he had large crystal wings and had a nice sword which let out steam.
The second best was the guy who dressed up as a gargoyle or something from Supreme Destiny.
I saw the president of e-games, Steve Tsao, he was in cosplay too as a ran swordsman. And the forum moderator KaTx had a nice costume too.
So anyways that's what i can recall from Dom1nation.
I'll be adding more if i remember.
^_^
Well, since Kazaki and Ishuda had one, I guess I should have one too. ^_^
The Wanted List is the list you'd like to see and meet in real life, that is if you've met them online already and blah blah blah blah.
Anyways here's my list.
- Kazaki A.K.A. Kristel "xTeL" Cuadra --> Yan, mabait yan, galing pa mag compose. ^_^
- Ishuda A.K.A. Lorenzo "Ish" Artigas --> Astig yan mag compose, daming alam na chords. Galing rin mag O2Jam. xD
- ~Phoebus~ A.K.A. Jude Pineda --> Sayang di tayu nagkita noong Dom1nation. Wahehe next time na lang. Ito si Jude daming alam sa PC. wenks. hehe
- "Sai" A.K.A. Astralnevan --> Knows a lot of stuff about music, Sheep May Safely Graze, sorry di ko pa na remix. wahehe
- Lilina A.K.A. uhmm... Lilina --> This guy is the music God, yep! If you have questions about the history of o2jam, ask him. He knows everything from the old school rythm games to the latest ones.
Uh, yan na lang muna, ala ako maisip, update ko na lang.
^_^
