==:: My Roller Coaster ::==

Lately it has been quite a ride.
The ups, the downs. For a moment I thought I could change, be more, say...social.
For the past years I've been stuck in my own world, doing my own things.
From my point, all I've been doing was watching and pondering at possibilities, good or bad.
But I've never really made action.
Ever since I liked this girl, it's like all the things I do, don't matter anymore. As if, life is more than computer games. Well, I felt this way before, but for quite some time of not pondering at it, I returned to my old self. So rephrase....I was reminded that life is more than what I thought it was.

Elementary, High School. I never really did my best.
On Graduation Day, I did not receive any award. I felt bad for the first time.
I then recognized the importance of my parents role regarding my education.
I could have been more. More than I was.
It was just like as my dad said,
I have three lives, one for each phase of education.
I've wasted two, I have one more left.
One left to prove who I am and what I am capable of.
But this has brought itself an expectation I may not be able to fulfill.
Can I live up to what I've stated?
I hope so.

I've come pretty far, but have I spent it well?
Time flies so fast, I'll be 17 this year. T_T
When I was young I always wondered what I'll look like at 17, or 25. Wondered what's up ahead.
But it seems, the more I ponder, the faster time ticks.
If there's one thing I've learned from this, that is, to live life to the fullest and make every second count.

Emotions have taken over me, I admit, I am emotionally driven.
Which is not good. I cannot go on my life like this.
I have to step up and push it aside, but the thing is.
Will people accept me? Why should I care. It's for my own good any way.
But the thing is, I care...I care about what people might think of me..
From there I think of many thoughts, twisted, tangled, never ending train of thoughts..
Thoughts that contradict, thoughts that are sometimes, imagination only.
They eventually posses me.

It's time I guess, it's time to step up, time to take action.
Because I'm tired of repeating the cycle, the cycle of madness and torment.
I'll have this chance at college. I should prepare myself.
*sigh*