==:: Lonewolf part 2 ::==

August 7!
Mmm Today was not a very good day for me. =(
But I know, the best part of falling is getting back up. =)

So, today...tonight I will finish this up and hopefully do what God wants me to do.

So, scenario 1 is done, the next scenario might for those who have tried but didn't seem to get anywhere.

Scenario #2: You believed, you prayed, you tried to do what Jesus might do. But you still didn't get an answer.

Well, talking about getting answers, this is honestly, a very broad topic. So let's narrow it down and break it up into bite-size bits. =)
Firstly, lets analyze what you prayed for, through these questions:

1. What did you pray for?
2. Do you really need it?
3. Will it help you?
4. Will it help others?
5. And more importantly, will it glorify God's name?

The last question is quite hard to answer, but if you get the facts straight and ask for wisdom I think you'll know.
If it's a material thing that you want, well, questions 2,3 and 4 might be good question to ask yourself. Remember though, the earth and everything in it is temporary.
So even if you had 50 Ferrari F50s I think they'd be useless if you're dead. Make that 49 Ferrari F50s...hehe.
Anyways, wouldn't it be simpler if all you had to think about is eternal life?
If it's not there, God will give it at the perfect time. Nothing is more perfect than God himself.
If it's a financial need, a branch of material things, the most fluid medium of exchange, then all I can tell you is

"And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee."
-Psalms 9:10

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."
-Proverbs 3:5

As long as you have all you need, you're ok.

If it's something that has to do with yourself. Character development and stuff. Upcoming tests, education. Then of course don't expect to be immediately transformed!
I noticed a change since I was 13, I wanted to become a better person. I may fail sometimes, but at least not that much as before, and knowing I could do better.
Being better than I was yesterday is one of my goals. I will never stop trying till I get it. As they say, becoming more Christlike.
Yeah, one of the things I learned or reminded is you have to do your part as well. It's teamwork.
Yep all those kiddie shows that you watch on TV, it's so simple, yet hard to actually do. But if you are really determined, I can tell you, you will get results more than what you wanted.
By the way you have to ask for wisdom as well to know when to exercise. As with physical exercise comes spiritual as well. God will provide opportunities, so be vigilant and alert. You may not know God has already answered it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm, haven't written alot. I'm not sure If I should end here. Because I cannot really think of anything anymore, honestly. And it's not good to force something out. So if you're reading this I hope the stuff helped you think about making decisions. I'll just continue writing as I used to, coz really to be honest I never thought it would end up like this. But I think God made me, since I really did ask Him what I should write about. So, whatever goes na lang. hehe =)

==:: The Lonewolf, well..not so lonely after all... ::==

The Lone Wolf,
With Vigor energy,
He strikes in the darkness,
Through the pain and agony,
He stands his ground,
With cuts and wounds,
He fights for Him,
For he knows, in the end,
It will be worth it all...

That is exactly what I should be...

I'll get there, one way or another....

As time ticks, I write once again.
Months have passed,
Days are gone,
Nights were cold,
Dawn was warm,
Dusk was bitter,
The minutes run,
The seconds fade...

What have I become?
Where will I go?
One purpose
One truth
The God said it all...

There's so many ways to live a life. But it seems no matter how I live mine, nothing makes more sense than becoming who I'm suppose to be. I mean after all, why make it more difficult when the answer is right in front of you? Why waste time pondering at what you're gonna do next when the path is clear? Why refuse a simple task that anybody can do? Why do you have to do what you want to do?


I was surprised when my friend told me, that the number one rule in the Satanic Bible was, "Do whatever you wish" Scary huh? All these years, I wanted, I desired, Yet I was never satisfied. I pondered.."What was missing?" And it was with me all along. It was to be content. It was to simply to stop desiring.

But wouldn't it be a boring life you ask?

Well, this is where God comes in.

God has so much more He wants you to do. Yep! do you get it? It is not what you want. But it is simply what God wants. I mean, come on! He's your creator, He's your King, He's the absolute ruler of all the Universe, not to mention He sent His only begotten Son to save humanity...

Well, you still don't believe there is a God huh? After all you've been through, no matter how hard you prayed or asked for help, you felt He was not there.
Well I felt exactly the same, until I found Faith. Oh great another sermon or whatever.. Well it wouldn't hurt to read would it? Or maybe because you refuse to read such information. Well go ahead, if that's what you want... :) but do remember what I said earlier....oh wait you don't believe there's good and evil?
hehehe.

Well, what do you believe in? if you don't believe in anything, then I'm sure you're still pondering at how you got here? How the humans came to existence! (Don't go running because you have no answer)
If you think evolution is the answer, lemme tell you this.
Evolution states that, all creatures live by fighting for survival. It is, as they say "The Survival of the Fittest" Well lemme ask you this.
"Where did loving music, painting a picture or enjoying a beautiful sunset come into the picture of fighting for survival?" Do you sing to your enemy?
Because to me it doesn't make any sense.
In the midst of fighting and survival how on earth would you get the idea to compose a song or paint a painting?
See how the Humans flourished around the world until today.
Evolution is totally false. Tell me, tell me how you got here.

I can tell you how we got here. It was because of God. Why did He create us? Well, because He can. Can you? ;)
I jump because I can. What more could you ask?

We love music, paintings, beautiful things, because we are created through God's image.
God's image is not restricted to our physical structure, it goes beyond that.
Have you ever heard when your friends gossip, "That guy destroyed this guy's image because he told rumors about this guy" That's one aspect of what image I'm trying to portray here.
We LOVE, because God is LOVE. It's simple Philosophy. It all came from Him, the Almighty and the Divine.
You say, that's bogus! Well, isn't it bogus when Humans make up stories?

I'm not making up stories, I'm telling the Truth, the one and only. And by the way, this is all in God's Word.
Why do you think there's a Bible. It is simply put as Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
Actually that isn't the real meaning of the Bible, I just wanted to write it coz it makes sense, but it does portray what it is in general.
Anyhow, it's there as our life support and it is the Truth itself.

Now that we got that straight. Let's talk about your question earlier,
How come God wasn't there when I called upon Him?
Well let's get some scenarios up.

Scenario #1. You believe there is a God, yet you still do whatever you want to do, but when trouble comes, only then do you call upon Him because after all your sins will be forgiven.

If that's your situation, well it's a pretty common situation. I tell you God will never come.
Again, One cannot server two masters. Didn't I tell you doing what you want is the first rule of Satan? How on earth can you serve Satan and God at the same time? And you think once you believe you can start sinning because you'll be forgiven after all? Well, that's where you're wrong. God hates Satan, If you follow Satan, God becomes your enemy. Isn't God the God of Love and Mercy?
True, but God doesn't have to necessarily KILL you when he becomes your enemy, He punishes you like a father punishes his son. God loves you enough so much so, that He wants you to realize what you are doing is wrong. When you realize that and when you try to avoid it, only then can God forgive you, even though He already forgave you. But the question is, what life do you want to live?

Do you want to please God or Satan?

I've written so much, It's like 11pm already, I should be sleeping I have classes tomorrow. xD
I'll continue this when I have time. For now, read this and maybe you'll get somewhere.

"But, Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness: and all these things [needs and desires] shall be added unto you" -Matthew 6:33

==:: A Walk to Remember ::==

After finding out that this was a great movie to watch, and several claiming it to be their favorite,
I decided to download the movie and watch it myself.

To my surprise, I was deeply moved.
It's hard to write how I felt afterwards, but one thing I can say is that it made me cry three times.
Definitely something to remember..
The ending was very sad though,
I wanted a happy ending! T_T
Well, I guess that's what life is and what it's about.
Other than that, all I saw in the movie was true love in it's purest form.
And so it has become my favorite as well.

I just couldn't believe that I've learned so much this summer,
Movies, events, new people I've met.
It really has changed the way I think about life.
After watching the movie, I just sat there, staring at the wall....
Thinking......thinking......
Eventually I came to realize that I need to grow up.
The fact is, I'm not a kid anymore, play time is over.
It's about time I should be able to control my emotions.
So far, I'm doing pretty good, well since I'm all alone it's pretty easy to control it.
But the real test is when I socialize, I hope thoughts won't bother me.
Just block out the thoughts, They say...

So this is it!
Let's grow up!
xD

==:: My Roller Coaster ::==

Lately it has been quite a ride.
The ups, the downs. For a moment I thought I could change, be more, say...social.
For the past years I've been stuck in my own world, doing my own things.
From my point, all I've been doing was watching and pondering at possibilities, good or bad.
But I've never really made action.
Ever since I liked this girl, it's like all the things I do, don't matter anymore. As if, life is more than computer games. Well, I felt this way before, but for quite some time of not pondering at it, I returned to my old self. So rephrase....I was reminded that life is more than what I thought it was.

Elementary, High School. I never really did my best.
On Graduation Day, I did not receive any award. I felt bad for the first time.
I then recognized the importance of my parents role regarding my education.
I could have been more. More than I was.
It was just like as my dad said,
I have three lives, one for each phase of education.
I've wasted two, I have one more left.
One left to prove who I am and what I am capable of.
But this has brought itself an expectation I may not be able to fulfill.
Can I live up to what I've stated?
I hope so.

I've come pretty far, but have I spent it well?
Time flies so fast, I'll be 17 this year. T_T
When I was young I always wondered what I'll look like at 17, or 25. Wondered what's up ahead.
But it seems, the more I ponder, the faster time ticks.
If there's one thing I've learned from this, that is, to live life to the fullest and make every second count.

Emotions have taken over me, I admit, I am emotionally driven.
Which is not good. I cannot go on my life like this.
I have to step up and push it aside, but the thing is.
Will people accept me? Why should I care. It's for my own good any way.
But the thing is, I care...I care about what people might think of me..
From there I think of many thoughts, twisted, tangled, never ending train of thoughts..
Thoughts that contradict, thoughts that are sometimes, imagination only.
They eventually posses me.

It's time I guess, it's time to step up, time to take action.
Because I'm tired of repeating the cycle, the cycle of madness and torment.
I'll have this chance at college. I should prepare myself.
*sigh*

==:: Graduation ::==

Its been a while since I've updated this blog.
I'll start of with my graduation.


Wow!!! I'm finally graduating!!! After endless nights of doing my homework I have finally come to the point where I have to say Good Bye to High School.
I will miss a lot of people.
Yep a lot has happened since August 22, 2007 (I can't believe that's how long I've left this blog to remain in the dust), the happenings, the downfalls, the high times of my stay in GBA.
Since I came to GBA, the homework was something I dreaded, and sometimes I think when it will end.

Everybody says college is hard! but sometimes I say to myself, "Hey, not all high schools have this kind of curriculum, this hard, painstaking curriculum. And since thats the case, if people who graduated in those public high schools think college is hard, then shouldn't it be any easier for us with this curriculum?"
Those thoughts and many others have kinda reduced my fear in confronting college.

It's gonna be hard starting in a place where you know nobody. I've had this fear since my childhood.
Like when I came to England for the first time, I went to their school. I knew nobody. On my first day, I stood and observed what other children were doing, I just couldn't fit in. I stood there alone on the playground, thinking....thinking....then I broke out into a cry. I just couldn't stand it anymore, I felt so out of place. A student found me crying and reported it to the teacher. They thought I tripped and hurt myself or something, so they kept asking me these questions. I mean what was I going to say! I don't recall what I did after that but they introduced me to this guy named Nicholas, he was my best buddy since then.

Will I cry on my first day on college just because I knew nobody?!!! x_x
Neh, too embarrassing. Besides, a special friend told me to just go for it, and meet new people, live life to the fullest while I still can.

Let's just see what college is like.......

==: The Mission :==

Well, let's see.
I've realized some change.
A little though...
I've kinda lost interest in playing games, MMORPGs and the likes.
Main reason is that, there's nothing decent to play.
I'm bored. I'm bored of lvling characters for nothing.
At least Cabal caught my intersest. Cabal Online is the best action MMORPG out there.
The skills of each job is just so cool!
But this game is not available in the Phil. I'd either have to HTTP tunnel through my way to Cabal EU or Cabal Taiwan. But the HTTP Tunnel is very slow and causes lag. You'd have to pay to get a decent connection.
Lag=not worth it.
So here I am, with nothing to play.
In fact, it's not that bad.
When I was 14 going on 15, I was really addicted to online games. All I could think about each time I get home was either Ragnarok, Gunbound, O2Jam etc...
I mean I even felt sorry for people who did not play online games. (WTH?!)
Well as I write, I realize I should be the one feeling sorry for myself.
Life is more than just games. I tried to make excuses like: "I have to play now! Coz when I'm grown up, I'll be too busy to play!"
Well that's kinda true, but who am I to predict the future?
So, I actually feel alright. I can live without games. No problem.
I feel as if life begins to unfold before me.

I'm currently into Parkour.
It's really cool. Like a martial art.
Although my parents are still learning what it is. Kinda annoying, but I hope they'll finally understand.
That Parkour is not just jumping off buildings. Parkour is not something you do to show off. Parkour is not a path to suicide.
As one traceurist says:

"What is the point of parkour? Why practice it at all?


To be useful

Those three words show what parkour is really about, what it really is. Does anyone here honestly think that David Belle would spend 19 years of his life practicing parkour, and make parkour into his life, if it was about nothing but expression and freedom? What would be the point? There wouldn't be a point. That is, if parkour really was about expression and freedom. But it isn't.

Let me point out Raymond Belle, the man who inspired the philosphy of parkour. The very way in which he lived is the basis for why we train. Belle was an incredible athlete. But that wasn't what inspired the creation of parkour. The inspiration came from what he did with those skills. He didn't use them to feel free, or to express himself, or anything of the sort. He saved lives.

In France, firefighters were (and possibly still are), not a group of paid civilians, but a branch of the military. Raymonde Belle, the incredible athlete, was one such firefighter. In fact, he was a decorated hero, a member of an elite squad. When he trained, it wasn't to feel free. It was so that he could save people.

Now, let me remind some people (and inform some) about the very origins of the word "parkour". It began with the word "parcours". "Parcours" was a term for a type of training used by the French military during the vietnam war. More specifically, it meant obstacle course training. Soldiers trained to be able to pass any obstacle. Sound familiar? Now, why did they do this? To feel free and to express themselves? No. The purpose of training these skills was so that they could use them when they had to.

Parkour is all about the philosophy. If you practice the movements, but not the philosophy, you aren't practicing parkour."

Parkour for me is another way to stay healthy and off drugs.
I mean why stop teens from doing parkour? It's better than drugs.
Why I referred, it's because, all around the world teens like me do parkour, and in some cases they were told off by either the police, landowners or University guards.
Parkour is not yet recognized as "useful" around the world.
But I know people who explain parkour to policemen and landowners or guards, and they managed to get their approval and have pk sessions.

Right now, I am limited.
I cannot go out often.
So I cannot pk as often as other people.
But would this be a given circumstance from the Lord?
Telling me to condition my body before doing parkour?

I was inspired by another traceurist who is the same age as me to condition my body as he is. His project was to condition his body over a period of 600 days.
Since he tried parkour before, but felt back, knee and wrist pains. But as he conditioned his body, the pain lessened until it finally disappeared. He's still undergoing the 600 days, and I am now joining him, as he lists the exercises that he does.
So I've been conditioning for about 3 days now. 597 more to go.
I believe God can use my parkour skills to glorify His name. And I'm trying to find out if He can.
I'm really struggling in knowing what my talent is.
I'm struggling to see how God can use me.
I thought I had found it. But it was not.
Creativity?
I enjoy composing music. But sometimes, I feel down and can't think of anything.
It's like, "Maybe, this is not my talent."

The mission?

To find a way to glorify God's name and fulfill my purpose here on earth.

But before I start. There's parts of me that is still sinful. I admit. I fall occasionally.
So if I gave everything to the Lord. The Lord would change me.
I can see that. But there's an obstacle. Like how I wrote Chaos and The Wall.
If I tried to be happy, or be like one of those people who are optimistic all the time.
Like saying "Good Morning!" or "HI!" to people and stuff. I feel ashamed.
I think, "I wonder what my parents think? I wonder if they'd laugh at me."
Whenever I think about those things, I have a feeling of......

Hold on. I shouldn't compare myself to others should I?
I should just trust God and pray everyday. And let His Holy Spirit lead me and show me what I need to do. I was not created to be like other people right?
So this means God has something for me. A specialized mission just for me.
It's all very clear now.
By writing, I have found/reminded myself what I need to do, my purpose here.
I've read things from my paces, which actually helped.
As I end this post.
All I can say is.
"I've never regretted anything that has happened to my life when I saw it in God's perspective."

==:: LOL ::==

Hahaha. I find myself laughing at my previous posts. How stupid of me to let frustration take over. How stupid of me to fall in love.
How stupid of me to even write/start this blog when my grammar is a mess?
Do I even know how to write?

No, I guess not.
Writing is such a complex thing. Why bother?
Because I have no output. I really don't care about my grammar or how I write. I just want to let things out through writing.
I've never really had a best friend on earth. Someone I talk to when I'm lonely, someone to open up to.
Yes, I may have friends, but none I find to be of a "special" value.
Friends are special, but I mean someone that is really close to me.
Yep, no best friend on earth. But I do have a best friend in Heaven.
That's God. =)
He never fails me. I always fail Him.
*sigh* But He doesn't really care. He knows me more than I do. He knows why I am here. He knows my personality.
All I have to do is submit myself.
And that is my mission.