==:: Beta Revo ::==

Well, my progress is stagnant. I'm finding it more and more difficult to break the wall. And, always in great regret of not being able to socialize.
Why is it, after analyzing the problems, something is still grabbing me?
As I have observed the weekend pass, I find myself not having an answer to people's questions. Why? I myself have not a single clue to this notorious mystery. I find myself thinking of many alternative answers, or even finding the best answer 30 minutes later. Does my mind process this slow?
I mean, whenever I go online, my brain processes words and sentences I should use in different circumstances normally. I guess Chaos and the Wall is still there. It has anchored itself unto me for 5 years.
I have fallen in love again, just this weekend, she happens to be the one I was suppose to kiss. But I didn't, I couldn't. Who am I to do such a thing? After all it was just a game, I mean I could have, if only I had realized earlier that I should have told her it's just for fun, for the sake of the tradition (which I am still unfamiliar with) "forgive me" is what I should have whispered unto her.
On the spot I didn't know what to do or say, WHY WAS I UNABLE TO THINK QUICKLY?
Why, why, why????????????????
I am so frustrated and angry right now. WHY HAS THIS ABNORMALITY BEEN PLACED INTO MY DNA? INTO MY BRAIN?
AND NO, THIS IS NOT BECAUSE I LIKE HER, THIS HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME! EVEN WITH OTHER PEOPLE!
What?! Talk to her? Get her number? "har har" I find myself pondering at such a primitive manner of self entertainment from people who have commented my situation. After all, almost everybody does that.
Anyhow, to be honest I loved it! I thought of many different situations with that girl, such as having to actually talk to her, get her number, eventually becoming my girlfriend etc....you get the point. Anyway, time passed, every minute I look back, I see regret. MY LIFE IS A REGRET.
Sorry for such shouting in my blog, I just need an outlet for my frustration.
*sigh*

Faith the greatest thing in the world, I still trust Him it's just this is what I feel inside.