.:: The Wall ::.

The Wall.
It is cold, hard, solid piece of object that has barbed wires attached to it.
It is there to prevent.
This wall in my mind is different. It is no ordinary wall. This wall has a mind of it's own. It rebuilds itself after being torn down. It is the very thing that hinders me from "socializing".
Like all walls, they have a weak spot. They cannot move. When I chat online with my friends I climb over the wall. When I go out in public I remain standing, I stand confused, therefore I cannot climb.
But I can break it. Yet somehow it rebuilds itself and I find myself back to where I started.
I have, after waking up this morning, found basic components of the wall.
The first one is the Chaos I have written earlier. That's the core of the wall.
The next component is, inferiority complex which leads to me being conscious about my looks, how I should talk, what I should say.
This then leads me to another part of the wall, what if I say the wrong thing? What if my voice is too quiet? What if my voice is ugly?
The last component is me being out of place, what if I do not know anything about the subject?
patay.
It is said you should think before you speak, I find myself thinking too much rather than speaking. How I chat online and how I write blogs is much different to how I am in public.
Because when I chat online I am given the option to press the backspace. In the real world there is no backspace. One other thing is, I don't have to worry about my looks, how I speak, my present state.
Therefore the wall is smaller, in fact all components except one, disappears when I chat online.
What remains is the core, the Chaos. Even though Chaos is closely connected with other components, I find myself leaping over it. When I do make a mistake online I regret leaping over it.
Then again I just continue as if it was normal. There, should I do that in public?
NO
I cannot, Chaos does not just stand there blocking my way, Chaos is there grabbing me when I am in public.
I admire many people, including my dad. For being so outgoing, I just sit back and watch him talk to people with ease. Sometimes I imagine myself preaching just like my dad. I could never be like that.
People I have seen on TV, such as this preacher who didn't have limbs (forgive me I cannot recall the name).
If I was to replace all my limbs for an outgoing personality, I'd do that.
As I go on, I bare the pain, it is there puncturing my heart.
But one time, when I chatted online, the wall was much bigger. That was when I talked with my dad. There the wall was no ordinary size, the inferiority complex became long spears instead of barbed wires, the Chaos was not just a solid brick wall, it had 10 inch steel alloy plating around it. It even had holes for cannons. There I was standing in front of a 1,836 foot wall. I was embarrassed, I regret saying anything about a specific subject to my dad.
So, I am forced to conclude, wall only appears to whom people I do not know.
I do not make first moves...